On and on

Sometimes, I have major bouts of depression....it can last for a very long time, or it can pass as quickly as Sunday night dinner.

I hope that in this moment, it passes like Sunday night dinner.

I was watching this romantic comedy tonight with my mum, and I got to thinking about why I never was able to have that crazy kind of love with someone.

Why does it seem that I am inadequate?

Do I not measure up?

What can I possibly be lacking?

Of course, those questions shot at me like WW2 missals, making me even more angry and depressed than I already was.

I try to put on a brave face when I am facing depression, trying to make sure that the world doesn't get to me. I feel as though my heart can endure it since I always seem to be smiling anyway, and joking around, but honestly, my heart can only endure but so much. It's a dull ache in my heart whenever I see happy couples. I'm always jealous of a wedding proposal/marriage/pregnancy. I hide it well, but that still doesn't erase the fact that it is there, carefully hiding behind my lovely exterior.

*sigh*

I just want it to go away. I hate it when I have seeds of doubt.